The kids are screaming, they’re all over the place, you’re driving the car on your way to practice, you can’t control them anymore and you can’t focus in your driving. You told them several times to calm down, you told them to stop bothering each other, you’ve had it!!!
Now you started to scream too. You stopped the car and started screaming in their faces “ ENOUGH!!! ENOUGH SCREAMING AND JUMPING ALL AROUND ME, I CAN’T STAND YOU ANYMORE!!”. And then all you hear is silence, and all you see is their little sad and shocked faces from what just happened. And you start realizing how a horrible mother you are, how they made you do that, how can you stop yelling at your kids over and over, how can you be a better mom, and loads of similar thoughts start clouding in your brain until you feel like the worst person on the planet.
Guess what, we all do this sometimes. We all get triggered, we all lose it, we all can’t stand our kids sometimes, maybe lots of times, we all feel like the monster in the house, we all feel like the worst mothers ever, we all feel guilty afterwards. It’s something we all face as mothers, and let me tell you it’s not easy and not the best feeling ever. But let me also tell you that parenting is HARD! Nobody said it’ll be a piece of cake, or that it’ll be like the perfect pictures we see for mothers sharing their pictures with their kids on social media having the best time of their lives, or the pictures we see in magazines or ads. It’s a journey with all it’s ups and downs. And that doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad mom.
Want you to know that I go through the same thing as you, and all mothers do too. You’re not crazy.
But here’s what you can do when you feel this way:
Beat your inner talk
When you start having thoughts inside your head that tells you all the bad things you do, and how you are a bad mom, how you should handle your kids more kindly, how you don’t spend enough time with them…etc. Pause and STOP! Yes, tell that voice inside your head to stop. When you start being aware of this little voice that makes you feel horrible every time, you will be able to handle it and stop it when it starts torturing you. I’m sure you did loads of other great things for your kids, and spent nice time together before. I’m sure there were other days you handled it perfectly and felt like the mom of the year. So it’s fine if you made a mistake once or twice or few times. Don’t torture yourself over it.
2. We all make mistakes
You have to be a model for your kids. So making mistakes and apologizing and explaining to them how mom is having a hard day and tell them about your emotions and what you’re going through will make them definitely feel better. And realize that mom also makes mistakes like us. That when we make mistakes we learn something from them. They will know that making mistakes is not the end of the world, and to know how to handle things when we make a mistake.
3. Give yourself credit
Think of all the good things you did together. Think of the times you were really doing your best as a mom and it was fine. We’re human so we do our best and it’s enough. Look at your kids and how amazing they are and realize that you did a great job raising these kids. How you always care about them and how you want the best for them. Even feeling like a bad mom makes you an awesome mom, because that means that you care and you want to be better.
4. Have time for yourself
You must have some time during the week for yourself. And of course if you can have some time off for yourself everyday that would be great. Just manage things and make a schedule for all your kids activities, practices, playdates. And then allocate some time for a girls night out, for a movie and popcorn all by yourself after they go to sleep, for a nice massage, for doing anything you enjoy just for yourself. You’re very important too, not just the kids. You can’t pour from an empty cup. So you have to fill your cup and feel satisfied, in order to be able to give to your kids.
5. Quality time
Maybe you can schedule some quality time with the kids each on a certain day and for a certain time to make sure you’re giving them their time too and not just doing tasks all day. Have some fun enjoyable time together and go for some activities together too. This way you will never feel guilty towards them or that you don’t spend enough time with them.
6. Tomorrow is a new day
If you were not your best today as a mother, you can still be awesome the next day. It’s not the end of the world. Take it easy, give yourself some credit, breathe, and tomorrow is always a new day and a fresh start. Hug your kids, enjoy this time with them, as they will grow so fast you will miss this phase more than you can imagine.
Hope this helped you beautiful mommy. And you can always share it with another awesome mom who needs to hear this.